Don't Fence Me In

2006-05-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

I'll have a Southern with a twist...........

I come from a family of broken promises, axes to grind and
crosses to bear
Chocolate cake on Fridays and southern fried chicken twice a
week. (fried in lard in an iron skillet) burnt sugar cake was
saved for special occasions
Daddy getting drunk on Saturday and staying that way until
Sunday losing his mind
Yankee pride and southern charm
Hiding from preachers who came to visit to save their souls
or perhaps mine Sunday school was a place that my aunt took me and that I loved
I come from a family that I soon learned to block out, erase
and ignore and most of all NOT cry
One whose fighting was an embarrasement to me and to the
neighbors....I learned to block out
I come from angry tempers, sex against your will and
screaming for help in the middle of the night.... I learned to
block out
I come from a grandmother who had more courage in her
little finger than most have in their whole body in a lifetime
I come from another grandmother who lived to be in her mid
20's and died on a cabin floor with 9 children begging for
food as she slipped away
I come from men who were sick and adored by outsiders, but
feared by family
I come from lessons learned but still repeated
I come from women who married "bad" men........but I was
blessed.
What I have learned is to tell the truth, pick up the sword
and slay the dragons
As Mosie would say, " 'Nuff said!"

2006-04-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Don't Fence Me In
Wind blowing in my shining hair
birds flying wildly
yellow Palo Vede blossoms decorating the trails
lips and tongue tasting gritty dust in my teeth
purple blooms high in shaggy barked trees
a young pretty girl on a fast spirited horse
lizzards darting between rocks
a white dog begging to walk the path just one more time
bats searching for nectar
a white full moon appearing from dark clouds
My small back yard has big eyes!

2006-04-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

Ten things about my Mother

My mother endured a long married life with a husband who abused her mentally and physically. I remember most of their fights. These fights continued until my father died after a long illness
My mother was out on her own at the age of 14. She was a telephone operator. She had an apartment and took care of her younger sister.
My mother's spirit was broken at a very young age. I asked her why she married my father and her answer was that she thought he was a happy person who was the life of the party. She didn't realize he was drunk.
My mother takes care of her house. She likes to remodel her home and my brother helps her with the very hard labor.
My mother still mows her lawn and takes care of every inch of her house with pride. She is 76 yrs of age.
My mother is accident prone. (Gee, is this where I get that from?)
My mother feels very uncomfortable in ANY social situation and avoids people and places. hmmmm, Could it be the lifetime of torture from the men in her life?
My mother is finally living a peaceful life. Her home is her PEACE.
My mother likes buying things for my grandkids.
My mother does not travel and hasn't visited me in 24yrs. In the 37 yrs that I have been married she has called me less than 10 times. Two of those times were to inform me of deaths in the family.

I will never forget when she called me to inform me about my Fathers passing. She actually left a message on the answering machine. (She hates those machines........I bought her one, she thought she wanted, but noooooo! ) The message was,
"I'm calling you to inform you that your Father has expired." I never knew he had an expiration date or I would have turned him upside down to look for it. (I know, that was uncalled for!)

2006-04-13T12:14:00.000-07:00

Ten Things about my Father

My father suffered from a mental illness as well as alcoholism. His family suffered also......his wife and his children suffered from his behavior.
My father watched his sister die in a fire when he was 6 yrs old and she was 4. He was blamed for this and was banished from his home.
My father's mother died when he was 9 months old from the Spanish Flu influenza. She had 8 other children.
My father could make a sailor blush with his cussing.
My father had other affairs in his married life and there is a stong possibility that he had another child outside of his 3rd marriage to my mother.
My father had a temper that we were all fearful of.......we would hide.He could be physically abusive but the menal abuse was worse.
My father only had less than an 8th grade education but provided a living as a government employee for my mother, brother and myself.
My father loved to travel and got to travel through his work and through the national guard.
My father had a wonderful sense of humor; sometimes inapproiate, but a great laugh. He was also quite handsome in his younger years.
My father always inquired about my kids and grandkids and their well being.

As I think about his life and his youth and his heritage, how could he have been any different? What I find is a miracle that I didn't marry somebody just like my father. My mother married my father who was exactly like her father....her sisters all married simular men. I also have 2 sons who have faced these demons that seem to run through the male side of both families. They are very aware of the famliy history and deal with it on a daily basis. Could this behavior, seemingly inherited, be successfully changed? That my friends is the million dollar question.

2006-04-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

Don't Fence Me In

An Old Song........and a good song.....

DAVID BYRNE lyrics - "Don't Fence Me In"

Oh, give me land, lots of land, under starry skies above, Don't fence me in
Let me ride thru the wide-open country that I love, Don't fence me in
Let me be by myself in the evening breeze
Listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever, but I ask you pleaseDon't fence me in, Don't fence me in
Just turn me looseLet me straddle my old saddle underneath the western skies
On my cayuse, Let me wander over yonder till I see the mountains rise
I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences
Gaze at the moon until I loose my senses
I can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences
Don't fence me in Don't fence me in

2006-04-08T12:36:00.000-07:00

The truth is, I am blissfully happy in Arizona. Sure, I still have my challenges, but somehow living here is the right thing for me now. I wish every woman could have a sabbatical. I have been married for 37 yrs. and my husband still makes me laugh and we are still very much together, but it's nice to have a break, you know!
After the Christmas holidays we come to the Valley of the Sun for a nice rest. Some people require lots of stimulation, but we get a lot of that in everyday life. So, rest it is! I've learned to look at the sky, enjoy the wind and embrace the wide open spaces. My spirit runs as wild as the coyote's howling in the moonlight. So I stay in the Valley of The Sun and my husband goes back to work in another state....flies back here and gets to relax. It won't be too much longer that I make the trip back to Kansas. But until then..........Don't fence me in.